Private, but me.

The problem with being me is that I have my own yin and yang, each fighting against each other.  In one way I want Mistress to be....... Well Mistress......... Strong, decisive, firm, commanding, dominant.

To explain in more details I want........yes I know I have just said I want........what a bad sub I am,  but true to myself..........I want Mistress to be more bossy, strong, consuming, to give more commands, to call me boy,
To pull my hair and passionately kiss me; Her tongue deep in my mouth.   I want to be used and abused, to be thrown on the bed and taken; hard and fast.  For Her to insist I curtsey on entering a room that She is in.......each time, ever time.  When we have been separated for a time to demand I kneel before Her and kiss Her feet in submission. To give me a stroke of the cane each time I bite my nails, no more warnings, no more chances, just one hard cruel stroke.


On the other hand.........

It all falls apart when I consider last night, me, knackered, stressed, not tip top.  Biting my nails but completely not up for a stroke.  Then what happens, as sometimes it does when I'm not up for punishment, play etc.  mentally or physically. I just need to be cuddled and held.  Dommed, loved.


On the other hand........

I want Her to be my friend, my lover, my mate.  To laugh at my poor jokes, to encourage and care.  Sometimes I want a Mistress to hold me tight, to lay on top of me in bed wrapping me up with Her limbs, taking me in Her arms.  I need Her to tell me it's going to be alright even when it isn't. To make love to me, soft, loving, gentle.
To know I protect Her and She protects me.

Oh this bit private,kid the rest isn't!

 I love you, I really love you, but this you already know, right!, I'll step in to your light, always.
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