What do I call this, suicide?

I was struck on how much Im Hers blog about the lack of what I call Dominance was affecting him.  Reading it over it made me feel sad.  Not just for him but most submissive  men out there.

There are so many problems for men in this position and......... so few people, especially women who understand.

I will; more for me; than you, try break it down into segments as I see it.  This is of course mainly just my beliefs and understandings and in no way can be based as totally factual evidence.

I should add I have written this over more than one day; and it has been adjusted more than once.

To me there are the follow types of men (and yes I know there are other types/variations):-

There are men who are submissive, unmarried/not in a relationship.  A large number of these who go to fetish events I attend are likely to remain in that situation.  They disparately want to serve, be played with, dominated, they have; they feel so much to offer. Some, many are geeky, weird, inarticulate, ugly to the standards that modern conventions apply, where today's media and masses would regard them as unclean miscreants.   These individuals believe that they want, rather they think they want, to be a Woman's slave, owned, loved, loved above all.  In someways they are lucky as the fantasy they hold in their heads has not been demolished. And for one reason or another they will never get the opportunity to discover the realities  This is an ache; a sorrow they carry, maybe for all of their lives.

Then there are men who have ended up in a FLR/FLM who find its not what they wanted at all and in fact a bit of kinky sex was all they really desired.

And then there are the men who end up in a FLR/FLM where their relationship originally commenced in a vanilla way, then after a lot of badgering they get their other half to have a go.
This for married/partnered men is I suspect true in a large number of cases.  For the Lady in their lives; She was in total ignorance until the subject was found out or confessed.  How it works out depends on both sides 'playing the game'.

I have already blogged about the problems Women have in regards to FLR/FLM, so I will try not to repeat myself.

In my case things were a little different to the norm!,,,,,,,,,  did I just say the norm! We met at a fetish Munch so there can have been no doubt as to our leanings. I know for a fact we are not alone in being this lucky, but I acknowledge our way of meeting is rare.

In all the cases above, I include myself here, if we are luckily enough to have a Woman in our lives they can never been Dominant enough or rather because of our fantasising about Femdom (Femdom I use for want of a better word), a lot and i do mean a lot, our other half is constantly in a battle against our minds.  She can never win this war, and in fact probably doesn't even know about the war.  So in a way, unconsciously men put their Goddess on a pedestal and then at times mental knock them off.  Hardly fair being compared against the mental figment they have, assessing, judging, wishing for perfection!  I try to pull myself up about this as it's not fair or just.

I wonder if my Mistress does the same to me, does your Lady do it to you?.

A Woman who is generous enough to try and become the Dominant leader of a relationship; should accept the responsibilities that come with the position. And this is where I feel it goes wrong all to often.

I speak with some experience here, in regards to my earlier life and my observations of friends in the scene.

There is for example a couple, married or not it does not matter, the man bravely confesses his needs, wants, sexuality.  The Woman courageously embrace Her partners needs, they move forward, excited; full of purpose and believe.  The man is in raptures, finally........finally..........at last, the way he is, the way he feels,the way that his dna programs him which he cannot even if he wished change, is finally accepted, not laughed at, not rejected or ridiculed.  He is finally complete.

Time marches on, it relentless tick moves all forward, the Lady starts to slip, other priorities come to the fore. His service/submission becomes unnoticed, taken for granted, nor sort or needed.  He notices this but believes that if he tries a little harder, submits a little more She will notice and respond accordingly......She doesn't, he is confused, hurt, lost, unable to understand why, how.  They continue the relationship, it either solders on, not fully fulfilling,  or it fails.  

So who's fault is it? hers or his.

To my point of view its both their faults.

He failed to stand up to Her!  Yes I know as a sub I'm asking the impossible.  The sub always terrified of loosing what he has always wanted, even although it's slipping away before his unseeing blind eyes.

She having jumped in to this new exciting life is unable or unwilling to maintain it, after all being the life and soul of the party is difficult.

So what can they both do about it, give up! It's an easy answer....or communicate and work at it, not so easy.

I think the best way to explain is to show what my Mistress/Wife does well and taking my life in my hands what I say She does, say less well.

Time for another bottle of Scotch and I don't drink scotch!

First of all She loves me, that's always a brilliant starting point.  She is a consensual sadist, as I'm a masochist, well to some degree, therefore we are well matched.  I know this part of Femdom is not for everyone.

She understands that for me it's a sexual thing as well as a submissive thing.  Funny how many Women don't seem to get that part.

She weekly Plays/Spanks me, this reinforces Her dominance. After a session my submissive levels rise.

There are certain protocols that She demands I follow, well most of the time, this is so so so important to any sub, a Mistress who ensures that Her boy sticks to these offers a guarantee that She is taking Her side of the partnership seriously.  If I were (which I don't) have a criticism of my beloved this is Her area of potential weakness.   For example I forget to curtsey when I enter a room and I am not pulled up on it.  Not in the scheme of things a big thing but it's the little things that build up to the big problems.  The other night I talked my way out of three stroke, initially down to one and then none.  I shouldn't have tried, She shouldn't have let me succeed.  We're both a fault.

(Personal note to Mistress, what's gone is gone?..... Please...as its now in the blog, and three was a little excessive, maybe!).

I'm not sure if this rather rambling post helps anyone, my final thoughts are, if your a Domme, take 10 mins every day to be a full on Domme.  You can achieve so much in a very short amount of time, but it should be every day with out fail, a lecture, a spank, a foot worship, a conversation with him naked at you feet, all quick and possible  If you can not achieve this you might want to question whether being a Domme is right for you.  You cannot not be a Domme just to please your beloved.

Now the hard bit, as a sub if your Lady is failing you and you are unhappy open your gob and tell Her, ask for a time when you can both talk about your concerns.  If She is not willing to agree to book some time to talk about your worries I'm afraid you have an unpalatable answer, don't hide from the truth.  In the long rung thinks will get worse.

A FLR/FLM relationship is wonderful, powerful, loving and strong, but only if both sides want to play.
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